- I use bullet lists to take notes in class. My notes are relatively useless to anyone who asks me to email them, because they see me taking notes every day in class. Bonus: Getting offered money or smoothies. Take the acai and run.
- I use bullet lists in emails to my friends. I have no idea if it upsets them, but I know it would sure as hell piss me off if someone sent them to me. It just reeks of small-time suburban riches born from savage middle management sales jobs.
- I insist on making the power points for my group projects, bringing only my complete and utter ignorance of how power point works to the table. I do this because I hope it will make me become artistic. Trees are neat.
- I try to find an opportunity to say a really stupid obsolesced word like "arch" as many times as possible in one day. I do this because I used to dream of being a famous spoken word artist, and hoped that taking the time to pay attention to one outmoded word in the English language a day would somehow engender a deeper understanding of language and the bardic tradition.
- I spend a year trying to pitch a catchphrase to nearly everyone I meet. I do this because I like to take something utterly meaningless and find ways to make people want to buy it.
- I like to talk about fictional writing projects or poems that came from some really intense altered state of consciousness experience, making sure to say the title of these works of incredible genius repeatedly, and never actually show them to anyone. Or write them.
- I think regulating the right to have children, legally, is the only hope for our species evolving to a point of sustaining ourselves into the exponential reaches of time. Say that five times fast. "Weeble Wobble" is actually fun to say five times fast, because you can actually do it. Try doing it to impress yourself with yourself before going to work every day, it could lead you to great success!
- I devote a good amount of critical thinking skills to coming up with ways to upset people without getting in trouble for doing it. Because somebody needs to.
- I know a little bit about an enormous amount of things. By revealing this knowledge casually in conversations, I manage to convince a good number of the people around me that I know what I'm talking about. The life spans of sponges from different parts of the world, for example. I have no information on that topic whatsoever, but I know how to talk about sponges in a significant sounding way and sound like I'm contributing to the conversation. I don't actually care if this contributes nothing to the collective intellect around me.
- I have an ongoing battle with my ex-girlfriend over who can be the first to tell the other one about that really cool article in this month's issue of "Wired". She has no idea that we're actually battling at this, and I don't want to tell her that's the way I think of it because I'm afraid it will result in me not having anyone to talk to about the articles in "Wired." We also try to one-up each other with our theories about how Lost is going to end. I think the universe is going to end. Heard it here first, worship at the feet of your new priest of Delphi.
- I talk about how awesome my two boy cats are with endless gusto and pride. Everyone likes to hear about my cats' crazy hijinx. Everyone.
- I enjoy adding tidbits and little facts about everything going on around me aloud. I've been told it's like having to listen to the CNN ticker at the bottom of the screen.
- I can be a baby about things. Everyone loves babies, though. Especially when they scream.
- I come up with more ideas than I can keep track of. My life is a mess of notebooks with sketches and thought bubbles. If I actually had any fabricating skills, I might be able to manifest these things. As it stands I can barely assemble something from a box.
- I have too many people in my life who tell me how smart I am. It leads me to being less productive and more self-assured, and that doesn't help anyone.
A Lovely February!
1 year ago